The Decision
by islandgirl33
Summary: Alex has another shot at a lasting relationship with the only girl he's ever loved. How will he come in to his own now that the life he's always wanted is opening up to him? And how will he cope when he's faced with a major decision?
1. Chapter 1

**a/n - This chapter is just the beginning of Alex and Izzie's new journey together as a married couple. It picks up shortly after my last story 'second chance' left off. I hope you like it and please, please let me know what you think!**

Arizona – Part 1

Alex sleepily turned over in bed as he heard his phone vibrate nosily on the bedside cabinet. He ignored it and reached over for his wife, wrapping his strong arms around her upper body, breathing in her delicious scent as he buried himself in her soft blonde curls, pressing his body in closer against hers and closing his eyes contently.

It had been just under a month since Alex and Izzie had decided to give their marriage another shot and life had been sweet but crazy. It was frenzied and exciting but all in a good way for once. In a word things had been great. There were no complications, both were fit and healthy with their careers on track and neither of them had ever been happier in their lives. Their divorce had never actually been finalised through the courts so there wasn't actually any need for them to re-marry and they were back to being out in the world making a life together, blissfully living as husband and wife. They hadn't spent a single night apart since they'd got back together and they were more in love than ever, realising that they never should have let their stupid pride have kept them apart for so long.

Izzie had moved in to Alex's apartment and transformed the place over night. Along with her bright presence it was now light and airy with scented candles, picture frames and colourful scatter cushions, the kind of place that Alex couldn't wait to come home to each night. A stark contrast to the dread he had used to feel as he made his way home alone, to the dark, dreary and untidy mess that it used to be.

They were both still working at Seattle Grace Mercy West. The plan was to stay there until the end of the year when they would move halfway across the country for Alex to take up his deferred offer at Hopkins and Izzie would apply for jobs. Alex's career was going from strength to strength; he was working solely in paediatrics under the supervision of Dr Arizona Robbins who had recently returned to work after being seriously injured in a plane crash earlier in the year.

…..

As he lay next to his wife in bed Alex heard his phone vibrate for a second time. He groaned and tried desperately to block it out and drift back in to the blissful state of unconsciousness it had stirred him from.

"Who is it?" Izzie mumbled. Alex opened his eyes slightly and sighed, admitting defeat as he pondered who it could be. Not many people called him on his personal cell apart from…. he moaned quietly to himself, knowing exactly who would be calling him and disturbing him on his only day off with Izzie in the last ten days. He rolled over and picked up the phone, putting it to his ear as he said sleepily "Hey Arizona".

"Alex sorry did I disturb you?" she said.

"Don't worry about it" he said, sitting up as she carried on talking. "It's just I forgot to ask you what was going on with the Chapman case?" Alex rolled his eyes as he pulled on a black vest and made his way in to the kitchen switching on the coffee machine. Despite having given her a full update before he'd handed over to her yesterday, he went through it step by step and told her exactly where they were with the case again.

"Okay thanks, see you tomorrow. Oh and enjoy your day off" she said before hanging up and Izzie walked in to the kitchen, wearing nothing but a little white lacy nightdress, setting off the healthy glow of her lightly sunkissed skin perfectly and showing off her long tanned legs and pert breasts.

"Who was that" she said yawning and shaking out her long blonde hair behind her. "Oh just Arizona" he said as he looked at her, taking in the full picture of his beautiful wife skimpily dressed in her sexy white night dress and thoughts of work promptly left his head, being swiftly replaced with something far more inviting.

"What did she want? It's your day off" Izzie said to him, slight irritation in her voice. It wasn't the first time this had happened. It seemed that every time Alex wasn't at work Arizona seemed to find a reason to call him about something. Alex walked over to Izzie and wrapped his arms around her, pushing her against the kitchen work top. "Nothing, just a question about a case" he said, as she felt his aroused manhood pressing up against her and a small moan left her lips, before he caressed her face and kissed her neck. "Want to go back to bed?" he whispered suggestively in her ear.

The sex had always been incredible between them, but now that they were finally together as a married couple after years of being apart and longing for each other night after night, it was utterly amazing and they couldn't keep their hands off each other. _This is what days off are for, _Alex thought as back in their bed he gently pulled off Izzie's nightdress. Planting light kisses on her neck and running his hands up and down her legs, feeling her moist thighs and how ready she was for him, the exclamations of pleasure coming from her lips, turning him on even more as unable to hold back he thrust deep inside her, a small groan leaving his mouth with the sensation. Just as out of the corner of his eye he caught his phone lighting up again and he instantly felt the familiar buzz of it vibrating next to them on the bed. Izzie swiftly picked it up and threw it violently across the room, before pulling his face to hers and locking him in to a deep sensuous kiss, as their bodies grinded together in ecstasy.

As he held her in their bed after they had made love and were both coming down from the overwhelming high they had just experienced together, Alex's phone went off again.

"Ignore it" Izzie said stroking his hair lazily. But they both knew he couldn't. Arizona seemed to have completely lost her confidence since she'd been back at work and she had been calling Alex nonstop to get a second opinion on what seemed like everything. He was being patient but it was wearing a little thin, as he slowly climbed out of bed to pick up his phone from where it had landed on top of their discarded clothes after Izzie had thrown it across the room earlier. He got to it just in time to anwser it, and for the second time that morning he spoke to his boss Arizona. Despite the falter in her voice she assured him she was okay and that she didn't need him to actually go in. But he eventually gave in and said wearily "Don't worry. I'll be there in half an hour."Izzie rolled her eyes and jumped up out of bed abruptly, walking straight in to the shower, so much for the lazy, romantic day off she had planned with her husband she thought. _Oh well there's always the next day off together in two weeks time!_

…_.._

Alex had not actually managed to get home until much later that evening, so was annoyed to arrive at the hospital the following day to another exceptionally busy shift on the paediatrics ward. There had been two emergencies overnight to deal with, so he barely had time to stop and think about anything for the first couple of hours until it had eased off, and he eventually went to go and get himself a well-earned coffee. He hadn't seen Izzie since she had kissed him goodbye first thing that morning and he suddenly started thinking about her and how her day could be going, when out of no-where she appeared with two coffees in her hands and a flirty grin on her face. "Hey" she said to him. Her eyes were twinkling, her lips rosy and her skin had its usual flawless sun kissed glow. Her hair was tied up in a ponytail with her glossy blonde fringe falling seductively over her large sparkling eyes. She looked amazing, Alex thought as he smiled back at her and she handed him a coffee.

"Ah thanks Iz" he said as as she quickly pressed him up against the wall, and he inhaled the inviting scent of her delicious coconut shampoo, mixed with her sweet floral perfume. Luckily there was no-one around as Alex quickly felt a violent stirring in his underpants as she moved further in to him and her body rubbed against his. "I am cooking you a romantic dinner tonight" she said before she leaned in even closer to him and whispered exactly what she wanted him to do to her afterwards. "Iz…" he protested as he grinned and kissed her, gently pushing her backwards. "You don't know what you do to me" he said looking deep in to her eyes, just as his pager beeped and he glanced down to see it was Arizona. He groaned as he tried to come back down to earth, wanting nothing more than to find the nearest empty room and fulfil all his hot wife's wishes then and there.

As Alex left Izzie and quickly made his way over to find Arizona, he wondered how he would make it through the long hours till the end of his shift and fully be able to concentrate on anything after that brief exchange with his wife. But the rest of the day was challenging and it literally flew by. It was near the end of the day when completely shattered he was finally able to take another short break and he looked at his phone to find a message waiting from Izzie.

_Been thinking about you all day. Just performed a solo surgery, amazing! Can't wait to tell you about it later over dinner. I love you x_

He smiled to himself as he put his phone back in to his pocket, blissful thoughts of his naked wife filling his head, as he made his way back over to find Arizona and prep a 16 year old for an operation.

Walking in to Arizona's office he found her in floods of tears. "I can't do it Alex" she said. "I just don't think I can do it. I haven't done this op since being back and I don't think I'm up to it." Alex looked at her awkwardly thinking how he really wasn't very good with this kind of thing, woman crying and having emotional meltdowns weren't really his strong point. He shifted on the spot feeling increasingly uncomfortable. Bailey would know how to handle this, maybe he should just go and find her, his shift was about to end anyway. "You have to scrub in with me Alex" Arizona said wiping the tears from her face, "I can't let anyone see me like this. I can't let anyone see me as being weak." Alex sighed, he knew he was the only person that had the slightest indication that she was faltering and had lost her confidence since being back at work and he'd been covering for her non stop for the past few weeks. She had been putting on a front with everyone including her partner Callie. She trusted Alex and to have someone have that kind of faith in him was a big deal, he couldn't let her down. "Please Alex" she said to him, her eyes pleading. "I don't think I can do it without you!"

…

Izzie had changed out of her scrubs and in to her favourite blue skinny jeans and white blouse. Her hair was out of its messy ponytail and falling down her back, her makeup was touched up, her lips freshly glossed a light rosy pink and despite the exhausting shift she'd just worked she felt full of energy and excitement to go and find her husband and go home together. She was planning a romantic dinner and lots of hot sex. Particularly as she had felt so cheated out of their day off together the day before, when he had been dragged in to work by Arizona.

As she walked over to find him, she noticed Alex was still wearing his scrubs and was scanning a chart. "Hey" she said kissing him on the cheek and smiling widely. "You ready?" He looked at her awkwardly and she just knew what was coming as he said "Iz" and he paused…." I'm really sorry but I have to go in to a surgery. Go home without me and I'll be back later for dinner I promise." Izzie raised her eyebrows and gave him a sharp look. "Is it an emergency?" she said bluntly. "No. But Arizona, she err, … she needs me to scrub in ok. I'm sorry but I wouldn't do it unless I had to. I won't be long and then we can have dinner together" he said meekly, as he leaned in to hug and kiss her. He was just as disappointed as she was, but he couldn't be in two places at once and he was needed here at the hospital by Arizona more he thought as he watched his wife strut quickly out of sight and he took a deep breath in, running his hands through his hair as he heard a familiar voice say his name "Alex" and he turned back to face Arizona.

…


	2. Chapter 2

Arizona – Part 2

Walking out of the hospital entrance Izzie felt more than a little annoyed, she had been looking forward to her evening with Alex all day. To telling him all about the exciting surgery she had performed solo over a nice bottle of wine and the delicious meal she'd been planning to make him. That was what married life was supposed to be about _wasn't it?_ Except her husband was working late _again!_ She was starting to resent Arizona. If she was honest ever since she had been back in Seattle she had felt more than a little jealous of their working relationship and close friendship. It wasn't that she was worried that there was anything between them. She knew how much Alex loved her and Arizona was a _freaking _lesbian! But she knew that whilst she had been gone, another woman had got close to Alex and had seen the side of him that she'd always thought was only for her and that hurt. It hurt a lot more than the numerous sexual encounters she'd known he'd had in her absence.

As she was about to admit defeat and go home alone, by chance she bumped in to her old friend Meredith Grey. Izzie couldn't help but notice she looked tired and weary and as though she had the weight of the world on her tiny shoulders. It had been ages since they'd had a proper catch up so Izzie grabbed her by the arm and said "Hey Mer. Fancy a drink at Joes?" Meredith's face lit up slightly, genuinely pleased to see Izzie, before it dropped and she said. "Iz, I would love to, believe me I would. But I can't. I have to pick Zola up from day-care." At that exact moment Christina Yang came up behind them placing her hands on both their necks and saying "I am in a very good mood, want to know why?" They both turned to face her.

"I have just performed my first solo heart surgery as the lead cardio surgeon in this hospital." Meredith sighed at her "temporary lead cardio surgeon, they are looking to replace Altman you know and you haven't completed your cardio fellowship yet either!" she corrected her. "Whatever" Christina waved her hands dismissively. Izzie looked at her two old friends and realised how much she missed them and said. "Ok this causes for a celebration. Why don't we get Zola Mer, and then stop off pick up a bottle of wine or two and head back to yours? Only for a couple of glasses I promise" Her voice went up several syllables as she pleaded with them both "come on, it will be like old times." Christina shrugged "I'm in, but what about your husband Izzie? You know the guy you're so attached at the hip to these days?" she said sarcastically.

Izzie knew Christina had a point, both she and Alex had been so wrapped up in each other the past few weeks they had hardly seen anyone else, they had barely even been to Joes for any after work drinks with their friends. "He's working late on a surgery with Arizona" she said dismissively as Meredith and Christina both exchanged a look and raised eyebrows. "Okay!" Christina said shrugging.

Back at Meredith's both Christina and Izzie had needed no encouragement to get started on the wine and by the time Meredith had come down after putting Zola to bed to join them, they were already on their second bottle. Izzie was having so much fun catching up with her friends she had almost forgotten about the evening she'd had planned with Alex and how annoyed she was with him that he'd stayed behind with Arizona.

"So Izzie" Christina said later in the evening. "How does it feel now you and evil spawn are back together?" Izzie rolled her eyes. "Are we still calling him that? Actually…..if you really want to know it's pretty amazing, everything about being with him is just well pretty amazing… and I am having the best sex of my life" she grinned. Meredith giggled and slightly slurring her words, being on her fourth glass of wine, pointed at Izzie and said "I always knew. Yep, even when you left, I always knew you would end up together in the end. He's different when he's with you. You bring out the best in him Iz" Izzie blushed and smiled. Christina swigged her wine before saying "Oh please. So what's he doing working late without you then tonight?" Izzie looked at her glass before saying "Oh I don't want to talk about it….actually yes I do. Arizona she calls him all the time and he just runs whenever she asks him too. He even went to pick up his phone to her when we were making love the other day." At that Christina winced as Izzie sighed and continued. "…and he went in yesterday on our day off when she asked him to, and as far as I could tell there was absolutely no need for him to be there. I mean seriously, would you be pissed? If another woman had that effect on your man" she said looking desperately at her friends.

Christina looked at her intently "Err yeah? If my guy was running off to another woman all the time I would be pissed, lesbian or not! Hey what if Arizona isn't actually gay?" her voice went in to mischievous mode as she said "and it's all just been some crazy elaborate cover for the fact that she has always been madly in love with Alex and she's been secretly plotting how they can be together in the end, and how she'll kill anyone that gets in her way" she finished talking and collapsed back in her chair laughing. "Christina" Meredith exclaimed, and all three of them started laughing and through the laughter Izzie said "That is _so_ not funny!"

Christina stopped laughing suddenly and looked at Izzie "Oh come on, I'm kidding. She is _so_ gay! They just have a work thing going on, like me and Teddy did and me and Burke did ….. Oh okay so maybe Burke's a bad analogy as we did end up sleeping together! But you get the gist!" Izzie poured the remainder of the current bottle of wine in to their three glasses, "Yeah I know" she said, thinking how she knew only too well that she had nothing to worry about. But she just couldn't help but think that now she had Alex back, she simply didn't want to share him with anyone, whether it was his work mentor or not.

Later that evening they were dancing around Meredith's front room having consumed their fourth bottle of wine, when Derrick Shepard walked in and with an amused smile on his face said. "Evening ladies, am I interrupting?" thinking how Meredith had specifically told him they were only having a few quiet drinks? "Izzie looked at her watch. Alex would definitely be home by now and she had to get back to him, he'd be wondering where she was. She looked over at Derrick as he kissed Meredith and she told him excitedly all about what Zola had done that day in day care. Izzie knew then that she was being petty about Alex staying on with Arizona for a surgery. They were all surgeons at the end of the day and their lives were all about being spontaneous and working long hours. They made it work by surrounding themselves with fellow surgeons that understood and didn't judge them. So when Izzie saw the little family unit that Meredith had with Derrick and Zola, she realised more than anything that was what she wanted with Alex_. A family of their own!_

…

It was 3am by the time Alex eventually walked through the door to his and Izzie's apartment. He'd practically taken the lead on the operation for Arizona and he was exhausted. He knew he'd made the right decision to stay though, as there was no way she would have handled it on her own. Afterwards she'd been more than apologetic for ruining his evening with Izzie, as he'd repeatedly assured her that it didn't matter and Izzie understood. Thinking a small white lie was more than necessary given the circumstances.

He'd tried to call Izzie when he found out how late he would have to stay on at the hospital, but she hadn't picked up. He hadn't been overly concerned. He'd thought it was slightly out of character for her to be so petty, but thought maybe she'd been busy baking or something and she wouldn't stay mad at him for long. Both being surgeons, they always understood when one of them had to work long hours, that was a perk of being married to a fellow doctor.

All the lights were on and the fridge door was open as he made his way in to their bedroom to find Izzie fast asleep. As he undressed and pulled back the bed covers to climb in to the bed beside her, he saw that she was just in her underwear and he wrapped his arms around her as he was met with the comforting scent of her familiar perfume and she stirred. "Sorry I'm so late Iz, and sorry I didn't make dinner" he said as he kissed the back of her neck, he knew he would have some making up to do.

"It's fine" she said sleepily. He was surprised at her response, he knew how feisty she could be and he was expecting a least a small argument. "Have you been drinking?" he said as her alcohol fumes hit him. "Just a few drinks I went back to Meredith's" she said. He might have known, he thought remembering only too well the numerous drunken nights those two had spent together, some things never changed. He wrapped his arms tighter around her waist and closed his eyes ready to fall asleep before she suddenly said "Al, I've been thinking. I'm ready. I want to do it. _I want us to try for a baby."_ He opened his eyes abruptly.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 - Frozen Dreams

After a fairly non-eventful day at the hospital, followed by a short run and hot shower, Izzie was home and sat on the sofa brushing her long blond hair. She was wearing a tight black vest top and matching little shorts, accentuating her slim, toned body.

Bored of mindless television, she glanced over at her phone sat on the arm of the sofa next to her to see that it was nearly midnight. She sighed and checked her message inbox for the tenth time that night, knowing full well that it would be empty. She hadn't heard from Alex all day. He had worked late the night before and she had been having a girls night in at Meredith's house with Christina. Then she'd had to go in to work early that morning without him.

Unusually he hadn't even sent her a quick message or page earlier to let her know he would be in surgeries and that he would be late home. They always tried to meet each other for lunch, or at least a short coffee break if they were able to, and if not they'd be sure to let the other one know. But it was a good 48 hours since they'd had a proper conversation. Izzie felt her stomach churn at the thought of what he might finally say when he got home after the bomb shell she'd dropped the night before, when she'd told him she wanted them to use their frozen embryos and start trying for a baby.

Just as she was about to give up and go to bed alone again for the second night in a row, she heard the front door opening, prompting her to suddenly sit up. Her hands were intertwining with each other repeatedly as she fidgeted with them, staring at the lounge door, deep in anticipation at what he would say when he walked through it. Also wondering just how she should play it, whether to be mad with him or just indifferent.

…

Slowly putting his keys down on the side, Alex walked tentatively in to the room. He was wearing jeans and his familiar brown hooded jacket. He glanced nervously at Izzie, as she stood up and walked towards him, her freshly washed hair falling softly around her face and he recognised the familiar expression on her face, the look that she _wanted, expected or needed_ something from him. He took a deep breath in.

"I didn't know if you were coming back tonight. You didn't call." She said accusingly.

"Sorry I didn't realise the time" was all he could think to say in response.

"So is Arizona planning to keep you late every time she has a surgery?" she snapped, as she moved closer to him and put her hands on her hips.

"Izzie" he said wearily. "She's going through a hard time ok, so just give her a break." Izzie's face softened slightly. She was no stranger to returning to work after your once safe little world came crashing down around you. "I know" she said her eyes fixed on his, as he avoided contact and looked away.

"This isn't about Arizona Alex; this is about you and me. I said I want us to try for a baby and you've not spoken to me since. I have no idea what you're thinking because you won't talk to me! If we're going to have any chance of a future together, you need to talk to me, you can't just avoid me every time something comes up that makes you feel uncomfortable" Her big eyes desperately searched his dark, handsome face for a reaction, anything; she just needed him to say anything. Instead he didn't say a word as he stared robotically in to space. This was what she found so frustrating about him; it was so difficult to gauge what he was thinking sometimes. In complete contrast to how she always wore her heart on her sleeve.

"I think it's a conversation we should be having another time" he eventually said, still staring in to space, his face not giving anything away. Izzie continue to look straight at him, desperately hoping for him to say more, to start an argument with her even, but she was just met with a stark silence.

"What do you mean?" She said to him breaking the silence, her cheeks flushing pink.

Alex sighed with frustration; he wasn't quite sure what she wanted from him. He was never going to be the kind of guy that talked about feelings and emotional stuff easily; he'd shied away from that his whole life. He built up the harsh walls around him for a reason and even though Izzie was the one person he'd allowed in and to soften those walls slightly, he was still never going to be that guy, and he wished she would stop trying to make him.

He rubbed his temple despondently, he was exhausted from the long working hours and back to back surgeries he'd performed over the last couple of days and he was still trying to get his head around the words she'd uttered to him the night before _I'm ready. I want us to try for a baby! _It was totally unexpected, as they had both agreed that they would wait and look at their options for having a child at some point in the next year or two. Certainly after they'd left Seattle and had moved and got themselves fully settled in Baltimore. Their situation for conceiving a child was more than a little complicated and it was something that Alex had gladly put to the back of his mind for now, just wanting to focus on enjoying the new excitement of it being the two of them together again.

If he was honest Alex's thoughts on having a baby were complicated anyway. His whole life he'd never been sure if he wanted to be a Dad. Thinking firstly he'd be no good at it and secondly that he'd had no desire to ever get close enough to a woman to make that kind of a commitment. But after he'd met Izzie, he'd realised that this was just a reaction to the terrible childhood he'd had at the mercy of his own drunken, drug addicted father. He would never have admitted it to anyone, but ever since the first time he'd had sex with Izzie, back when they'd both been interns. Alex had found himself every now again imagining what their children would look like. Thinking what kind of parents they would make together and just what it would be like to spend the rest of his life with Izzie as a married couple with a family of their own. The girl who'd dramatically changed his outlook on the world and made him experience what it felt like _to be in love_. This was also the main reason he'd _snooched _in to a cup for her without hesitation the moment he'd been asked to by the chief, back when Izzie had first started her treatment for cancer. Because there had never been any doubt in his mind that he wanted to have a baby with Izzie.

Specialising in ped's he'd also spent a good deal of time working with babies and young children and this had also made him realise that deep down he really wanted nothing more than to have a child of his own, a little version of himself to bring up and love, providing all the opportunities that he himself had never had as a child. But having been single for so long before Izzie came back in to his life, Alex had more or less dismissed the idea of having children again. He'd tried to forget that he and Izzie still had their frozen embryos stored from when she'd had cancer. The possibilities of what could have been attached to them were just too painful for him to deal with.

He'd always wondered right from the start if they froze the embryos, would they ever get a chance to use them even? Would she'll still be around, would she actually survive the cancer? But now that it was very much becoming a reality that they could try and use their embryos and become parents, the thought of it along with the gruelling process involved, scared the hell out of Alex. Although he was one hundred per cent certain he wanted d to have a baby with Izzie, he thought that life was pretty much perfect for them the way it was at that moment_. So why change anything? _At least for the time being anyway!

….

However as he stood in front of Izzie and looked at the confused, hurt look on her face, he had absolutely no idea how he would even start to go about explaining all that to her, as she said angrily. "I don't want to have this conversation another time Alex. I want to have it now. Meredith reckons she can call in a favour and get me a referral to the best fertility specialist in the state straight away"

He lightly touched her arm as he said. "Iz we agreed that we would discuss it in a year or two." She backed away from him defensively."No you agreed Alex. Not me. I hate to break it to you but we might not have a year or two. The longer we leave it the lower the odds of success, you know that. Right now I'm healthier than I've been in years and what do we have to lose? Chances are it won't happen straight away anyway. So please let's just look in to it?"

Taking in her words Alex looked at her beautiful, pleading face and he knew all he really wanted was to make her happy. It was all he had ever wanted ever since the very first time he'd laid eyes on her. They'd barely seen each other over the last few days and after the overwhelmingly stressful time he'd had at work, he had been so desperate to talk to her, to hold her, to make love to her. He'd more or less been running the paediatrics department, he'd been supporting and covering for Arizona non-stop, as well as dealing with crying interns, angry, scared parents and answering to the chief. He'd never been good under pressure and he was physically and emotionally drained. He wasn't sure how much longer he could do it, he simply couldn't be there for everyone all the time and he knew that all he needed right now was his _Iz._

He walked towards her and drew her in to his arms, burying his face in her hair and breathing in its fresh aroma and he exhaled, he needed her more than she would ever know. They finally broke apart and he said "I'm sorry ok. I was a coward I should have spoken to you earlier, but I was scared. But if it's what you really want we can look in to it. "She looked at him as he said. "But I want you to make an appointment with the Oncologist first not the Fertility Specialist. I want you to get the all clear that you're really ready to go ahead after everything your bodies been through." She went to protest at first, but stopped knowing what a big deal it was for him to back down and say that to her. Instead her eyes glowed and the bright smile that Alex knew was always only for him, spread across her face, lighting him up inside, as she said "I love you."

At those words Alex tilted her chin up gently and kissed her tenderly as her body moved closer to his and they both felt themselves instantly becoming aroused, he lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist, as he swiftly carried her the short distance to their bedroom and laid her down on their bed. As he hastily pulled his jacket off, before moving on to her vest top and shorts, she fumbled with his jeans and Alex finally felt himself relaxing, the thought of this moment had been the one thing that had got him through the last few difficult days.

…..

"I love you so much" Alex whispered as he held her in his arms after they'd made love, and it was as though all the stress of the last couple of days had been released_._ He looked down to see Izzie's eyes closed, and her body had relaxed next to his, as he too instantly felt himself slowly drifting off to sleep, and he thought to himself how he _didn't want anything to ever change!_ Whilst dreamily pondering exactly what would be in store next for them, and exactly how the appointment with the Oncologist would go?


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 – The Appointment

Izzie shifted awkwardly in her seat, wondering why the patient's chairs in Dr Swender's office had to be so hard and uncomfortable. She felt her heart racing around her body as the large clock on the wall ticked loudly in her ears. Reaching for Alex's hand with hers, he gave it a comforting squeeze as she gripped it tighter.

"Dr Stevens, Dr Karev" Dr Swender said as she walked in to the room, shaking both their hands as she clutched Izzie's notes and test results. She had the same polite, but no-nonsense air of authority that brought back a whole host of difficult memories for both Izzie and Alex, back from the time when Izzie had been so sick and nearly died. They glanced at the paper in Swender's hands in anticipation of just what she would be about to say to them. Both painfully aware that she held their fate, right there in her hands.

They had managed to get in to see her on a cancellation straight away and after she had run some tests, they were now waiting to hear the outcome and whether Izzie was still cancer free and ready to start the fertility treatment. Alex had wanted to put this off and wait, but due to Izzie's determination; he had reluctantly agreed to at least explore their current options.

"Okay, well I'll get straight to the point" Swender said, looking them both in the eye. Izzie Stevens, was one of her best success stories and she wanted more than anything for the young couple in front of her to have a happy ending, so she swallowed and said clearly. "Firstly I think you made the correct decision in preserving some viable embryos before the administration of the chemo drugs as this will increase the chances of a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby rapidly"

Izzie glanced at Alex at hearing those words, thinking how if it wasn't for him and his unquestionable love for her back then; not only would they not be sat here discussing it now, they wouldn't have any options open to them at all.

Swender continued "The good news is that you are fully in remission and should have healthy fallopian tubes and reproductive system in general." She paused letting them digest that, as a small smile spread across Izzie's face and Alex let himself breathe a deep sigh of relief. All he needed to hear was that Izzie wasn't sick again, as he glanced back at Swender to notice her expression had changed and she said. "However I'm afraid that although that might be the case, your body is still not ready to initiate a pregnancy and certainly not ready for the drugs and the procedure involved in the implantation process….that is not for the moment at least." She stopped as she saw Izzie's face drop and she looked desperately at Swender before saying."How long?"

Swender clasped her hands together "I would have to strongly recommend that you do not attempt any kind of treatment for at least another two years. If you are still fully in remission then, the risks to your health will be considerably lower and you have a much higher chance of a healthy full term pregnancy." Izzie bit her lip; this was not what she had wanted to hear. "But I could go ahead now. I mean I am in remission right? So technically there's nothing to stop us, and the chances of us having a healthy baby from our embryos in two years time are going to be a lot lower aren't they?…." She glanced sideways at Alex who was staring in to space.

Swender sighed. "You could go ahead yes, and yes you're right, the sooner you use your embryos, the higher the chance you will have a healthy baby that is undeniable…but"

Alex had been silent up until this point as he suddenly said " But what are the risks to her health if we do that?"

Swender addressed him directly. "You are both doctors Dr Karev, you don't need me to spell it out for you. Your wife beat the odds to overcome cancer once, but the chances are high, that the intensity of the fertility treatment needed and the unnecessary strain it will put on her body could trigger a relapse of the cancer if you go ahead too early." Swender shuffled the papers in front of her, delivering news like this had not got any easier for her, despite the many years she had been doing it. "Here is my card. Talk it through and please let me know if you have any further questions." Izzie took the card as Alex released her hand and looked at the floor.

…...

After the appointment they made their way to the canteen to get a quick coffee together before they returned to work.

"What do you think?" Izzie said as she stirred her coffee, her golden hair falling in loose waves around her face. She looked in to Alex's dark eyes trying to anticipate his response.

"I think we would be mad to even consider it at the moment" he said firmly.

"But you heard what she said Alex. Now might be our only chance of a healthy baby. Swender's airing on caution because that's her job, we know that. We're doctors and we have to give the worst case scenario, present all the facts. I've looked in to it and the chance of success at my age and stage in remission are still ok. I'm ready and I don't want to wait. I want to have your baby Alex. I want us to have a family" she pleaded.

Alex sighed; he was not backing down on this one, there was too much at stake for him as he looked directly in to her big brown eyes and said. "I want that too Iz, but we can wait two years and then we can try" his pager beeped and he looked down. "I have to go" he said swigging his coffee and kissing her quickly on the cheek, leaving Izzie sat alone to her thoughts.

…..

Later that evening Alex walked through the door to his and Izzie's apartment, he'd brought some take out, wine and chocolate, he knew Izzie would be upset after the news they'd received earlier and he wanted to cheer her up. They'd been told it would be dangerous for them to consider having their frozen embryo's implanted until she'd been in remission for at least another two years due to the severity of her cancer and the treatment she'd been through already. She'd had her heart set on starting the process soon and Alex knew how fiercely passionate she got when she really wanted something.

He walked in to see Izzie sat on the sofa with Meredith. "Oh hi" he said looking surprised, if not unhappy to see Meredith. He put the food and wine down on the kitchen side, took his coat off, grabbed a beer and sat down. "I just stopped by to give you the details for Dr Miles "Meredith said to Alex. "She's the best fertility specialist and OB/GYN in the state and has just transferred here recently from Boston. She has fantastic results" Izzie's face beamed as she said "thanks Mer."

"Oh right, for next year" Alex said, sipping his beer. Meredith looked distinctly uncomfortable, as Izzie said "Err no actually … Meredith's managed to get us an appointment tomorrow" Alex's face darkened and a deep scowl crossed it as he said "What!" At that Meredith said "I think I should go" as she quickly finished the remainder of her drink before swiftly getting up and Izzie stood up too and followed her to the door.

As Izzie walked back in to the room, Alex stood up and yelled. "So you just decided to make an appointment then. I'm your husband and you didn't even think to consult me."

Izzie walked towards him, as she said. "Meredith just managed to get the cancellation last minute. I had to take it, there wasn't time to consult you" and she gulped, she thought he would be mad, just not quite this mad.

Alex's cheeks burned as he looked at her "It wasn't just your decision to make Izzie. It's not just your life, it's my life too, _my life with you, _and I'm telling Meredith and I'm telling you, you're not going to that appointment."

Alex was furious, partly because he felt she had gone behind his back and that his opinion and feelings didn't matter to her. But mainly if he was honest, he was mad because he was scared at the thought of what could happen if she did go to the appointment. She would find out about the procedure for implanting the embryos, about the odds for success diminishing for them yearly, and she would wear him down until they agreed to start the process. Then if they were lucky, her health would remain un-affected after months of raised hopes and dashed dreams. If they were unlucky her health would be compromised and the thought of that was way too much for Alex to bear. He knew how it felt to lose her once and now after he'd experienced what it felt like to truly be married to her and share their lives together, without fast tracking things and endless complications, it was beautiful and he'd been blissfully happy. If he lost her now, he had serious doubts whether he would be able to survive it this time.

...

At those last words from Alex, Izzie looked at him, she just didn't understand why he was so mad, she wished he would just tell her what he was really thinking. Was he having doubts about having a baby with her? Did he think that if it triggered something and she got sick again, that he wouldn't be able to handle it and stay by her side again this time? That maybe a future with her wasn't all it was cracked up to be. She felt a lump forming in her throat at that last thought, as she tried to hold back the tears and she yelled back at him. "What happened to 'we can look at the options together'? Isn't that what we're doing? exploring the options. You've always known I want to be a mother Alex, we agreed that. Isn't that what the frozen embryos were for, to give us a shot at the life we always wanted …..together."

Alex was feeling himself getting more and more worked up that she could be so selfish and not see where he was coming from as he yelled back. "Okay well the options are. We put your body through unnecessary stress that it's not ready for and the cancer comes back and you can't carry a baby to full term and we lose it, I'm not really buzzed about that. Or worse still. I lose you and get lumbered bringing up a kid on my own, not too buzzed about that either."

Izzie's big eyes filled with tears as his words stung her. He had a temper on him, she had always known that, yelling was the only way he knew how to deal with things he felt strongly about some times. But she knew when she set her mind to something too, she wouldn't just back down either, as she said. "You might be my husband Alex, but that doesn't give you the right to tell me what to do. I'm going to that appointment tomorrow with Dr Miles at 4pm. You can either come along too as my husband to support me, or not. It's up to you, but either way I'm going with or without you." They stared at each other for a few seconds, as Alex unable to comprehend what she had just said, grabbed his coat and turned and stormed out of the apartment slamming the door angrily behind him.

Izzie just stared at the door. She knew she had to go the appointment, she had to find out what the next step would be, because she knew she' might never be able to forgive Alex, if this was her only chance to be a mother and he'd made her miss it.

….

The next day at work, Alex couldn't concentrate on anything except the fight he'd had with Izzie the night before. It was their first proper argument since they'd got back together and he was furious with her. He'd slept at the hospital in one of the uncomfortable narrow bunks in the on call room, and his back and neck were hurting as he'd woken up alone and despite how mad he was with Izzie, he'd missed reaching over to cuddle up to her like crazy.

"Is there somewhere you need to be?" Arizona said to Alex, as they made their way through their pre-op rounds and he checked his watch for what seemed like the hundredth time that hour. He looked at her as she eyed him suspiciously and he said "what?"

"Well it's just 'no offence', but you look like crap and you've been miles away all day. If there's something you need to do, you should just go do it. Because you're sure as hell not much use round here until you sort whatever it is out" Alex frowned. Why did she have to know him so well he thought angrily, he half wondered if she actually knew the real reason that he was so distracted and where he needed to be, but there was no way she could. Meredith was the only person that knew and she wouldn't have said a word to anyone.

He had anguished about what to do all day, whether to stand his ground. He was aware that Izzie couldn't use their embryo's without him, they were as much his as they were hers. But he also knew, how much it meant to her and how stubborn she could be. He felt used and unimportant to her and all the old feelings of insecurity, that he'd tried so hard to bury away, were slowly creeping back to the surface. _Did she really love him as much as he loved her?_ How could she? If his feelings were clearly so irrelevant to her.

Slightly out of breath and still in his surgical scrubs, Alex rushed in to the waiting room to see it was 3.50pm, staring around the room at the anxious faces of all the couples sat there, he suddenly felt a desperate urge to be with Izzie, to hold her hand, to go through all this with her. He knew he was scared, but they needed to be scared together, it was their future at stake after all. He tapped his foot nervously on the floor and stared at the clock 4.00pm passed, then 4.10pm, by the time it was 4.40pm he knew he had to give up. She must have gone in without him, and she would he have thought that he hadn't bothered to make it.

He felt crushed as he made his way meekly back to the peds ward to finish his shift, where ironically he was met with the sight of a new born baby arriving for tests and he felt sad. He was sad as he realized how much he did want to have a baby with Izzie, and this wasn't how he had wanted to do things; this wasn't how he and Izzie _were meant to make a baby._

…..

All the lights were off in their bedroom as later that night, after a few beers drowning his sorrows in Joes, Alex walked in. "Izzie" he said softly as he saw her form under the covers. "I'm sorry I didn't make the appointment."

She sat up and switched on the bedside lamp, she was wearing a light pink vest top and her hair was ruffled and her eyes puffy from crying. "There wasn't an appointment to make" she said. "I didn't go and I'm sorry. I'm the one that should be apologizing Alex. I promised myself that this time around, now that I have you back, I would always put you and our love first. Because I didn't do that before and I know now, that no matter what, if I have that, then nothing else really matters. But I let my stupid desire to have a baby overcloud that. I was wrong and I'm sorry, I should have thought about you and your feelings too. You're right we have to wait two years and then we can see what the situation is. I know I'm lucky enough to still be here with you, and a baby, well that would just be the icing on the cake." She paused and started to slowly cry as she said "it just seems so unfair that we have to go through all this though and we can't just do it the normal way" as the tears ran down her cheeks faster.

Alex sat down and wrapped his arms around her, he pressed his face against her tear stained cheek and stroked her hair, he hated seeing her upset. "I love you" she said to him as he repeated it back to her and whispered "I'm not saying I don't want us to have a baby Iz, because honestly I do...but really I just want _you,_ and whatever happens you're enough for me." Her tears flowed harder with those words, as she realized just how much she loved him, and he whispered "We will get our baby soon Iz. I'm sure of it. _When the time is right we'll get our baby" _


End file.
